12 Ways to Spice up your Sex Life
1. Have sex on a regular basis. Don’t be above scheduling it into your week if it’s been awhile and it’s hard to initiate/make time for.
2. Talk dirty. You don’t have to get obscene for it to be sexy. If you start right off the bat trying to emulate what you hear in porn, you’ll feel ridiculous.
3. Mix it up. Take the time to make out and indulge in foreplay. Slow everything down. Just because you already know each others bodies doesn’t mean you shouldn’t explore it as if for the first time. Give yourself an hour or two to play.
4. Oral Sex. Don’t skimp on it just because you’re past the “wooing” stage. Don’t just skip to intercourse. Have fun with oral sex first. You don’t need to stimulate your partner to completion. It doesn’t need to be a big deal. You can just tease and warm each other up. A good tip is to put a pillow underneath your pelvis so that he can more comfortably pleasure you.
5. Role-play: Click here to read a great article (not mine) that spells out how exactly to explore fantasy sexual role play.
6. Dress up. Sexy lingerie is great for special occasions and then also (little known secret) when you’re feeling bloated or shy about your body.
7. Masturbate in front of each other. Did you just cringe? Some people literally cringe at the word “masturbate.” Which is crazy because we ALL do it. Let’s put on our big girl panties before I explain more, ok?
8. Tell a naughty story. This is a great option for when you’re not in the mood to be touched or have sex but he is. While he’s masturbating, you can whisper and moan a sexy story in his ear to provide him with visuals. Men love visual stimulation, hence, their love of porn.
9. Toys. Not legos. Not dolls. I’m talkin’ adult toys! Vibrators of all shapes and sizes, handcuffs, silk scarves, blindfolds, feathers, ticklers, etc.
10. Multiple positions. Talk about them ahead of time so you don’t get distracted and forget about the adventurous ones you want to try.
11. Different locations. I’m not gonna lie: I love my bed. It’s comfy. It’s got just the right amount of firmness and my sheets are soft. BUT having sex in different locations spices up the sex life. Men really respond to the variety.
12. Blow Jobs. It’s a classic for a reason. Do it as often as possible. The more spontaneous the better.
1. Have sex on a regular basis. Don’t be above scheduling it into your week if it’s been awhile and it’s hard to initiate/make time for.
People often have an attitude that sex
needs to be spontaneous in order for it to be romantic and passionate.
It helps but it’s not necessary. In order for things to get spicy, you
have to create a foundation of trust, comfort and play. The only way to
do this is to have sex on a regular basis, no matter what.
Especially if you’re in a low libido funk, it’s too easy to blow off sex for more pressing and important things on your to-do list.
Especially if you’re in a low libido funk, it’s too easy to blow off sex for more pressing and important things on your to-do list.
2. Talk dirty. You don’t have to get obscene for it to be sexy. If you start right off the bat trying to emulate what you hear in porn, you’ll feel ridiculous.
Instead, ease yourself into it. Start off
with sounds of pleasure and enjoyment. Get used to vocalizing the
feelings you have inside. Then you can start saying things like, “Oh
this feels so good!” “I love it when you do that!” “More!” “Harder!”
“Again!” “Oh yea!”
3. Mix it up. Take the time to make out and indulge in foreplay. Slow everything down. Just because you already know each others bodies doesn’t mean you shouldn’t explore it as if for the first time. Give yourself an hour or two to play.
At the same time, don’t always go slow.
Throw in some afternoon quickies as well. The variety adds spice. Go
from luxuriating in each other to a passionate urgency.
4. Oral Sex. Don’t skimp on it just because you’re past the “wooing” stage. Don’t just skip to intercourse. Have fun with oral sex first. You don’t need to stimulate your partner to completion. It doesn’t need to be a big deal. You can just tease and warm each other up. A good tip is to put a pillow underneath your pelvis so that he can more comfortably pleasure you.
5. Role-play: Click here to read a great article (not mine) that spells out how exactly to explore fantasy sexual role play.
6. Dress up. Sexy lingerie is great for special occasions and then also (little known secret) when you’re feeling bloated or shy about your body.
You know that time of the month where you
just don’t feel your usual sexual confidence? Put on a sexy nighty. Or
even just wear your man’s button down shirt with no panties.
Not only is this exciting for your man but it also helps YOU feel more sexy. When a woman feels sexy, her libido increases.
Not only is this exciting for your man but it also helps YOU feel more sexy. When a woman feels sexy, her libido increases.
7. Masturbate in front of each other. Did you just cringe? Some people literally cringe at the word “masturbate.” Which is crazy because we ALL do it. Let’s put on our big girl panties before I explain more, ok?
Show each other how you like to be touched. Do you like to be watched? Do you like to watch? Try it.
Another option if you don’t feel like being on display is to pleasure yourself while he kisses and touches the rest of your body. And vice versa. It’s wildly sexy to be able to watch your partner feel pleasure and feel their body’s response as you enhance their pleasure.
Another option if you don’t feel like being on display is to pleasure yourself while he kisses and touches the rest of your body. And vice versa. It’s wildly sexy to be able to watch your partner feel pleasure and feel their body’s response as you enhance their pleasure.
8. Tell a naughty story. This is a great option for when you’re not in the mood to be touched or have sex but he is. While he’s masturbating, you can whisper and moan a sexy story in his ear to provide him with visuals. Men love visual stimulation, hence, their love of porn.
Ex: You meet at a sordid café in
Amsterdam, as two strangers you share a bottle of wine, you get tipsy,
you hand him your underwear under the table, you take his hand and…get
creative and have fun!
9. Toys. Not legos. Not dolls. I’m talkin’ adult toys! Vibrators of all shapes and sizes, handcuffs, silk scarves, blindfolds, feathers, ticklers, etc.
Start small. Don’t be intimidated by vibrators. And don’t freak when you find out how much they cost. It’s worth it. Period.
Vibrators aren’t a “replacement” for your man. Nothing can compare to feeling the man you love inside you. But they can speed up foreplay for a quickie. They can add an exciting spin to oral sex (he works the power tool and pleasures you with his tongue at the same time. OMG!) And some vibrators you can even use to stimulate the clitoris during intercourse!
Vibrators aren’t a “replacement” for your man. Nothing can compare to feeling the man you love inside you. But they can speed up foreplay for a quickie. They can add an exciting spin to oral sex (he works the power tool and pleasures you with his tongue at the same time. OMG!) And some vibrators you can even use to stimulate the clitoris during intercourse!
10. Multiple positions. Talk about them ahead of time so you don’t get distracted and forget about the adventurous ones you want to try.
Always mix in some more comfortable poses
to ease into sex and then again when you want to climax. Sometimes it’s
hard to orgasm when your legs/arms are shaking from effort and you’re
in an awkward position.
Note: Keep your expectations realistic: Don’t expect yourselves to be porn stars. Those people are professionals. Start slow and be easy on each other.
Note: Keep your expectations realistic: Don’t expect yourselves to be porn stars. Those people are professionals. Start slow and be easy on each other.
11. Different locations. I’m not gonna lie: I love my bed. It’s comfy. It’s got just the right amount of firmness and my sheets are soft. BUT having sex in different locations spices up the sex life. Men really respond to the variety.
So try it on the stairs, in the kitchen, in the shower, throw a blanket down on the living room floor etc. Go wild!
It’s easy to get into a comfortable routine. It’s important to occasionally make the effort to have sex even without your soft sheets and comfy bed.
It’s easy to get into a comfortable routine. It’s important to occasionally make the effort to have sex even without your soft sheets and comfy bed.
12. Blow Jobs. It’s a classic for a reason. Do it as often as possible. The more spontaneous the better.
Practical notes: Put your hair in a
scrunchie, darn-it! I don’t know how those porn stars don’t choke on
their own locks. And get in a comfortable position that you can be in
for a while. If you need to adjust your body mid-way, let your partner
know. He wants you to be comfortable too.
Personal note: Cumming on the face is NOT a thing. Porn tries to make it a thing. But it's not.
Ladies choice: Spitting instead of swallowing is NOT a rejection of your partner. It's a perfectly respectable choice.
Ladies choice: Spitting instead of swallowing is NOT a rejection of your partner. It's a perfectly respectable choice.
